Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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