Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
