Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
