why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
