just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
