1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
