Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
