Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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