forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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