dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
