Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
