Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
