I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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