i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
