I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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