Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
