I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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