You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
two words...techno handjob
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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