I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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