Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
