Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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