i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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