My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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