we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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