70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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