Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
