he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
