I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
