I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize