we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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