Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize