Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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