I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's like iHOP with fire
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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