So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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