am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no, he came in my armpit
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
