9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
