i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
