are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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