I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
