at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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