just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
