My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
