the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize