I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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