Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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