Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
