ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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