The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
