just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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