i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
