and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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