Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
