I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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