a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We need to get me chipped asap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
