His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
