The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
