You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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