You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
