Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His nipple licking is glorious
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