i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
