i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
