you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize