I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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