Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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