omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
