For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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