She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
