i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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