worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
