Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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