I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
