Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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