Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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