Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
