then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
