if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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