I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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