So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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