I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
