what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He shit in the fireplace
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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