Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize