Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
