we have pet lesbian snakes
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
