My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
