im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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