Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
