Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
