forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
