Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
