Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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