Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
