he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
