and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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