If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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