the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
