dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize